University of Missouri: Columbia (Mizzou), Daycare

Mizzou students, who are also parents, are afforded daycare at an extra charge. Children are kept on campus in a safe and supposedly healthy environment. The daycare services website paints quite a picture of a healthy, fun place where your children are kept while you attend classes.


The title homepage suggests a politically correct, and therefore healthy setting:


The disturbing truth follows.

Mizzou, to ensure itself a populous fan base, is actually mentoring these children in the traditions of Mizzou culture and regular student practices.

Children as young as 1 year old are instructed by teachers to party, get down, and get crunk as hailed "cool as s***" by the student body. The children are never fed breakfast, and during lunch and dinner they are only allowed doritos and rockstar energy drinks. The children are also forced to build up a resistance to caffeine, whether it be the aforementioned energy drink or 5 hour energy supplement, the teachers are putting these drinks in your child's sippy-cup.


But to the real point:
As a Mizzou parent I'm sure you are quite aware of what all is included in "getting crunk," but I assume you wish differently for your children--at least at 1 year of age.

Actual Pictures from Mizzou Daycare:

(Above) Children are taken to mock house parties where they are fed a steady supply of Bud Light. Some children must have diluted Bud Light (with water, juicy-juice, or kool-aid) at the beginning of the semester, but the teachers help them acquire the taste by reducing the amount of non-beer product in their cups throughout the semester.


(Above) Children are taught to ask for more, as they cannot reach the bottles on a regular table nor open them.


And of course:

Please withdraw your child from Mizzou Daycare today, there is no time to waste. You do not want your child to become just like you (ex. pictured below).

(Actual Mizzou student)