the blog manifesto.

the purpose of sme is simply this: to overthrow the capitalist hegemony that has a stranglehold on our beautiful, multiethnic society. contributors are asked to take part in this, our overriding mission, so the people of the green earth can breathe together in the clean air of progressive politics and non-judgmentalism. each blog post must bask in the sunlight of earnest expression, never falling into the trap of satire or parody. our aim is clarity and verisimilitude; our mission is truth and the propagation of it. the blog is the perfect place to post your old family videos, homophobic video blogs, another blog's material, awkward, poorly-drawn sketches, halo reach updates, or unexplained/irrelevant wikipedia articles--sme is home to the entire eclectic conflation that is the internet. if there is one thing entirely intolerable to the editors of sme, it is sarcasm. there is simply no room in this blog for sarcastic, humorous, and reference driven posts. if you are among those responsible for such garbage, please leave.


barnaby jones

Friday, December 31, 2010

Breaking News! Science Machine Discovers Future Selves!

(Science, Example 1)

As the new year approacheth, Science turned its glorious gaze to the writers and the friends of the writers of SME; these brazen, sexy minds represent all that is beautiful and true for the future, therefore, the Science Machine, in its infinite wisdom, looked upon the future and projected that future even unto NOW! Behold, stare and wonder at the FUTURE! (these results are 100% accurate).

Science's first prediction is the future of Taylor James's future. In the future, Taylor will continue to do exactly what he has always done...his body, naturally adapting to this sedentary lifestyle by the process of natural selection, will take the shape of his surroundings:

hold on, I forgot one thing:

Due to an unfortunate head-enlargening disease he clearly contracted as a child, Eric Peters' already enormous head will continue to grow,

(Eric Peters Today)

sucking the sweet sweet nutrients from the rest of his body while keeping his head young and fresh:

(future Eric Peters)

AJ Wallace

and Matt McCarty's

future is strangely tied. Foregoing their natural handsomeness, the two will continue to pursue ugliness, and, using the fusion dance to complete their pursuit,
(Fusion Dance)

the two will achieve their goal as one:

Years in the future, Caleb Hoskins and Sarah Giancola will still have a wonderful, powerful relationship:

(the happy couple celebrating their 15th anniversary)

(science, example 2)

Speaking of the Hoskinses, our Science Machine predicts that Seth will fully embrace the style that has made him who he is today.


Alex Detmering, abandoning all useful pursuits, will live the rest of his life getting huge in his parents' basement.


20 years from now:

Years of bachelorhood will have a different effect on Jon Ryan, whose sustained singleness will drain his boyish face of all charm, leaving only charred remains:


And Tanner? Like Jon, the future will be much the same as it is now:

yup, 100% accurate.

(Science, example 3)

alex & mikey

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Perfectly Choreographed Consversation?

Day to day, as a mobile druggist, I endure countless verbal exchanges with all different kinds of people. So many different kinds of people -- but they all end up sounding like this:

Me: Hello
Different kinds of people (or DKP): Hey! How are you? (doesn't actually care)
Me: I'm good. (sort of) How are you? (do i care? not really)
DKP: (systematic response) I'm great! (i'm horrible) So what's up?

Some sort of body conversation filled with mindless fluff and uncontrollable head nodding.

Me: ok great, well listen i better run. (to nowhere...)
DKP: Alright have a good one! (not that i care...)

sad isn't it? (not really)


Wednesday, December 29, 2010

alex and chris, their wall to wall awesome

Chris and Alex have along history of strong brotherhood, and this compilation of their back and forth is evidence of that in spades. (some of this has some languages, apologies if it offends). Here's the best of those interchanges and comments (read bottom to top):

It's Workout Time!

Chris's words of wisdom

An intellectual discussion

Great, now what?
(the link:

Birthday Wishes

Chris's spam

An existential crisis

Chris is in a “relationship,” apparently

Oh, I think we all got the message

Ross, what are you talking about?

a misunderstanding concerning terms

hope you enjoyed ;P

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Lord Judgulous, Fear His Truth

Legend has it, that a child shall grow to manhood. This child shall have the all the greatest gifts of mankind: the gift of judgment, the gift of being super-right about stuff, the gift of sitting in the seat of judgment and judging with that judgment. All these gifts (and more gifts obliquely related to judgment) were bestowed on the eternally furrowed brow of seth hoskins.

His eyes are squinty. His displeasure is magnibus. He doubts your position.

Look now upon Jadev, who dares to utter words deemed unfunny.

Seth will show you, Jadev. Seth will show you:

Na NaNa NaNa NaNa NaNa NaNa NaNa, go seth!

consider the theme behind eric and jon's dorm, whose ironic, operational humor does not please Lord Judgulous:

hahaha, such fools. They have overplayed their joke. But they now feel the sting of seth's comment. Aaaaah ooooh aaaah, it burns.

Kaiti is yet another offender, whose small brain cannot suffice.


In the vast, uncharted, unruly land of facebook, it is good to know that there is one who labors for the right. If seth did not do his job, then there would be many, very many, who would be blissfully unaware of how stupid they really are. Merry Christmas everyone and only say clever/sexy/relevant things, because seth is watching.

I hope everyone enjoys the deep irony of this post.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

A Logical Progression of Funny?

So people doing stupid things is funny

Example 1

but, animals who do stupid things is even funnier

Example 2

funnier still, is people dressed like animals doing stupid things

Example 3

If this sequence is true, then perhaps the funniest thing is animals dressed like people doing stupid things....but that would just be crazy

Example 4

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Monday, December 6, 2010

How to be an Ebay Pro

A lot of people would say you need to be quick, professional, and reasonable to be an Ebay Pro.

I, on the other hand, choose to pursue the path of awesomeness rather than uptightness, letting my full impulses just rage all over the place.

These are the feedback comments I've left as a result.

^ Click to Read XD