the blog manifesto.

the purpose of sme is simply this: to overthrow the capitalist hegemony that has a stranglehold on our beautiful, multiethnic society. contributors are asked to take part in this, our overriding mission, so the people of the green earth can breathe together in the clean air of progressive politics and non-judgmentalism. each blog post must bask in the sunlight of earnest expression, never falling into the trap of satire or parody. our aim is clarity and verisimilitude; our mission is truth and the propagation of it. the blog is the perfect place to post your old family videos, homophobic video blogs, another blog's material, awkward, poorly-drawn sketches, halo reach updates, or unexplained/irrelevant wikipedia articles--sme is home to the entire eclectic conflation that is the internet. if there is one thing entirely intolerable to the editors of sme, it is sarcasm. there is simply no room in this blog for sarcastic, humorous, and reference driven posts. if you are among those responsible for such garbage, please leave.


barnaby jones

Tuesday, March 31, 2015

The Score is Hot

Tonight is the night, boys.

The score is hot... and I'm thirsty for wet sewage.

That trash bitch Tommy Torelli two-timed us for the last time, ya see?

His head is on my plate tonight and I'm ready to serve it up with a side of that filthy murder juice.

That sweaty bastard has been slapping our dicks around in the sludge for too long. It's time we showed him how to take a hot gutter beating like a goddamn man.

No doubt about it, that scumbag is drowning  in his own stink lotion tonight.

Gonna put it to him straight, ya see?

No one slings that ripe dirt candy on our turf but us!

He's getting it real nasty.

That's right, Tommy T's got a big dose of back alley tar poison coming straight for his piss cannon.

Don't believe me? Ask Vinny C! That garbage-eating sunofabitch got what was coming to him... A one-way ticket to the slop shop!

Wanna know how we're gonna do it? You wanna know how we're gonna pull a primo scrap job on this street rat?

You guessed it... we're calling in the Trash Man.

This crazy bastard will do anything. "The Sewer King", they call him. He lives for the trash. Can’t get enough of it. Heard he swallowed an entire family of dumpster people back in 'nam.

Tonight the Trash Man teaches Tommy T a lesson in manly garbage love.

That dirtbag is getting buried in the slime tunnel tonight and there's not a damn thing he can do about it.

Friday, March 27, 2015

The Hottest New Business Practices

Do you want to AMP UP your team and achieve the BEST results?

Do you want to BLOW the competition AWAY?

Do you want the POWER to fuse a group of submissive human subjects into a gelatinous being with the mental capabilities to make your WILDEST DREAMS come true?

All you have to do is follow these easy guidelines and you’ll soon be the ruler of your own supple, obedient business entity that might as well be called S-U-C-C-E-S-S!

A hot trend in business right now is to ADOPT, not hire. Think of your business as your family, and your employees as your literal children. To form the most yielding human subjects, you must adopt the most spongy, moldable children and teach them the hard and painful ways of business.

Body Fusion
Soon you will be ready to perform your first body fusion. This may be uncomfortable for a few minutes, but when your employees’ eyes roll back into their skulls and their bodies and minds amalgamate into a single conscious entity, you’ll be on your way to staying in the black and never looking back!

The Hive Mind
Now it is time to harness the power of your obedient, viscous mass of humanity by embracing the Hive Mind. Using its superior cognitive force, your bulging mind conglomerate will generate the HOTTEST business tips ever!


You’ve made it! The Hive Mind is working for you and it’s clear sailing from here on out. Enjoy raking in that hard-earned cash!