the blog manifesto.

the purpose of sme is simply this: to overthrow the capitalist hegemony that has a stranglehold on our beautiful, multiethnic society. contributors are asked to take part in this, our overriding mission, so the people of the green earth can breathe together in the clean air of progressive politics and non-judgmentalism. each blog post must bask in the sunlight of earnest expression, never falling into the trap of satire or parody. our aim is clarity and verisimilitude; our mission is truth and the propagation of it. the blog is the perfect place to post your old family videos, homophobic video blogs, another blog's material, awkward, poorly-drawn sketches, halo reach updates, or unexplained/irrelevant wikipedia articles--sme is home to the entire eclectic conflation that is the internet. if there is one thing entirely intolerable to the editors of sme, it is sarcasm. there is simply no room in this blog for sarcastic, humorous, and reference driven posts. if you are among those responsible for such garbage, please leave.


barnaby jones

Monday, October 25, 2010

Alex to Taylor, a message about a lack of a message, which gets the message across

mikey and alex weren't invited to taylor's sweet ultra-fancy Halloween party, so they decide to take this into their own hands or the cell phones that were in those hands:

10:50 pm, Oct 25

Alex to Taylor:

Hey man, f u!

Taylor to Alex:


Alex to Taylor:

Mikey and I are never invited to your sweet little engagements, so we see how it is. Clean break!

Taylor to Alex:

Haha, I'm sorry man. My parents just don't like a lot of people being here, I'll see what I can do though.

Alex to Taylor:

Oh don't worry. I don't want you to have to loosen your regulations in order to invite us, the lessers. You just have fun in your ivory tower while I play with dirt, because I'm a moron and that's what morons do: play with dirt and not get invited to exclusive parties.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

jon and chris, their wall to wall awesome.

jon ryan has a history of awesome wall conversations, here's the first of this with chris, and this is really old.

Jon Ryan to Chris Detmering: Dude, is it better to do push ups and sit ups then go running or go running then do push-ups and sit-ups after running?

Jon Ryan to Chris Detmering: Dude, when you're flexing is it better to point your fist inward towards your massive bicep or outwards towards the hot chicks looking at you?

Chris Detmering to Jon Ryan: neither, point them strait forward so the chicks in the back can get a peek too.

Jon Ryan to Chris Detmering: Dude, when you're doing sit ups do you look down at your ripped abs or up at the girl you're about to have sex with?

Chris Detmering to Jon Ryan: neither bro you look at the chick you are having sex with at the time

Jon Ryan to Chris Detmering: Dude, when you're doing squat thrusts do you stare at your left or right calf, or can you see both of them if you look straight down because of how massive they are?

Chris Detmering to Jon Ryan: neither, you look at the mirror and see your whole bulging body

Chris Detmering to Jon Ryan: dude, when the ladies walk by you, while you are ringing people out at jc penny and they give you the eye, do you look at yourself in the mirror? or take them out for a nice seafood diner?

Jon Ryan to Chris Detmering: Dude, when you're juicing your pecs at the gym do you usually wait for your nipples to stop being hard before you put your shirt back on, or do you just roll with it?

Jon Ryan to Chris Detmering: Dude, if you wanted to bend a quarter in half would you use your fingers or would your massive pecs be able to do the job?

Chris Detmering to Jon Ryan: neither, i would use my thighs

Jon Ryan to Chris Detmering: Dude, if you combined all the weight you've ever lifted with your toned muscle body, how much do you think it would be? Like, a hundred million tons?

Chris Detmering to Jon Ryan: all together i would say as much as a sun sized ball of dark matter

Chris Detmering to Jon Ryan: yo dawg iam writing this from my kick balls new phone, o and dude how do you deal with every girl you met only talking to you cause of your solid body and cut face? do you go to your quiet place and punch dance it out?

Jon Ryan to Chris Detmering: neither dude... wait...

Chris Detmering to Jon Ryan: dude, when the ladies jump on you and start ripping of your cloths do you wink at them and then show them your cut shredded abbs or do you see into their mind and then trap them dream involving nicholas cage and vin disle, just a thought

Jon Ryan to Chris Detmering: I ain't particular, I bang like vehicular homicides

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Scientists Report That A Shocking Drought of Bleepity-Bloop Noises is to be Expected Until Sufjan Stevens Dies (or stops making music).

Frank Quincy, Editor

Singer/Songwriter/Composer Sufjan Stevens has always been known for his creativity and vision, but he has rarely been associated with any kind of crisis--until now. Sources report that within the beginning weeks of the recording process for his much awaited new album, The Age ADZ, Mr. Stevens had completely depleted the Brooklyn area of its bleepity-bloop noises, devastating the surrounding population. As one concerned citizen remarked, "life started getting really hard without the constant swirling electronic fuzzbombs and swishy dupity-bops that I had grown up with as a child. I mean it was bad for a while when Animal Collective doing their thing early last year, but this is out of control. Sufjan really needs to start considering how what he's doing is effecting things outside of obscure pop/rock/folk/electronica circles all the kids are into now days. I really hate those kids."

It is believed that not long after he had used all sparkily boosh sounds in the northeast, Sufjan imported additional magical noises from questionable sources.

When confronted with the evidence, Mr. Stevens was his typically cryptic self, "I don't think music is purely an audio sensation, it tickles the souls and happies the eyes. you can't have happy eyes without bleepity-bloops Frank. I am the Lord Bird."

(Sufjan as the Lord Bird)

If Sufjan keeps making albums, there is a very real possibility that the continental US could be entirely bereft of all kinds of weird ass sounds, which, if we’re honest, will really only affect Lada GaGa and HEALTH. So things should be ok.