the blog manifesto.

the purpose of sme is simply this: to overthrow the capitalist hegemony that has a stranglehold on our beautiful, multiethnic society. contributors are asked to take part in this, our overriding mission, so the people of the green earth can breathe together in the clean air of progressive politics and non-judgmentalism. each blog post must bask in the sunlight of earnest expression, never falling into the trap of satire or parody. our aim is clarity and verisimilitude; our mission is truth and the propagation of it. the blog is the perfect place to post your old family videos, homophobic video blogs, another blog's material, awkward, poorly-drawn sketches, halo reach updates, or unexplained/irrelevant wikipedia articles--sme is home to the entire eclectic conflation that is the internet. if there is one thing entirely intolerable to the editors of sme, it is sarcasm. there is simply no room in this blog for sarcastic, humorous, and reference driven posts. if you are among those responsible for such garbage, please leave.


barnaby jones

Friday, December 31, 2010

Breaking News! Science Machine Discovers Future Selves!

(Science, Example 1)

As the new year approacheth, Science turned its glorious gaze to the writers and the friends of the writers of SME; these brazen, sexy minds represent all that is beautiful and true for the future, therefore, the Science Machine, in its infinite wisdom, looked upon the future and projected that future even unto NOW! Behold, stare and wonder at the FUTURE! (these results are 100% accurate).

Science's first prediction is the future of Taylor James's future. In the future, Taylor will continue to do exactly what he has always done...his body, naturally adapting to this sedentary lifestyle by the process of natural selection, will take the shape of his surroundings:

hold on, I forgot one thing:

Due to an unfortunate head-enlargening disease he clearly contracted as a child, Eric Peters' already enormous head will continue to grow,

(Eric Peters Today)

sucking the sweet sweet nutrients from the rest of his body while keeping his head young and fresh:

(future Eric Peters)

AJ Wallace

and Matt McCarty's

future is strangely tied. Foregoing their natural handsomeness, the two will continue to pursue ugliness, and, using the fusion dance to complete their pursuit,
(Fusion Dance)

the two will achieve their goal as one:

Years in the future, Caleb Hoskins and Sarah Giancola will still have a wonderful, powerful relationship:

(the happy couple celebrating their 15th anniversary)

(science, example 2)

Speaking of the Hoskinses, our Science Machine predicts that Seth will fully embrace the style that has made him who he is today.


Alex Detmering, abandoning all useful pursuits, will live the rest of his life getting huge in his parents' basement.


20 years from now:

Years of bachelorhood will have a different effect on Jon Ryan, whose sustained singleness will drain his boyish face of all charm, leaving only charred remains:


And Tanner? Like Jon, the future will be much the same as it is now:

yup, 100% accurate.

(Science, example 3)

alex & mikey

1 comment: