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the purpose of sme is simply this: to overthrow the capitalist hegemony that has a stranglehold on our beautiful, multiethnic society. contributors are asked to take part in this, our overriding mission, so the people of the green earth can breathe together in the clean air of progressive politics and non-judgmentalism. each blog post must bask in the sunlight of earnest expression, never falling into the trap of satire or parody. our aim is clarity and verisimilitude; our mission is truth and the propagation of it. the blog is the perfect place to post your old family videos, homophobic video blogs, another blog's material, awkward, poorly-drawn sketches, halo reach updates, or unexplained/irrelevant wikipedia articles--sme is home to the entire eclectic conflation that is the internet. if there is one thing entirely intolerable to the editors of sme, it is sarcasm. there is simply no room in this blog for sarcastic, humorous, and reference driven posts. if you are among those responsible for such garbage, please leave.


barnaby jones

Thursday, April 16, 2015

The Ten Tribes of Jezebel, Chapters 2 & 3

Chapter 2

Verily verily, rare has the time been unto man
when the children of men have been beset on
all sides by additional children of other men;
men who are, doubtless, likewise the children
of other men. Yay verily, children come from
men even as men come from children, and the
line of children from men is known unto
men as a very long line indeed.

The child that was brought forth unto man with
legs of brown-gold tresses, with legs motionless
with terminal stiffness, was begat of Slabmorath,
who was also begat of Bithrontromble, who
was, believe it or not, also begat. He was begat
of Gethrotemple, who begat nine other children
who likewise pleased the eyes and nose and
ears and hundred wings covered in rotating eyes
of the lord of mountain. His children and his
children's children begat children, and their
children's children begat yet more children, at
this point their children's children, in an entirely
unexpected turn of events, begat yet even more
children, until the number of children's children
exceeded even the ants of the sky and the birds
of the field. This number is great indeed,
taking into account that the children of ants also
have children, and their children yet have more
children, and so on and so on forever and amen,
selah. It's perhaps almost impossible to fathom
how many children children's children begat,
but verily do I say unto you, the sun hast not
cast its wary gleam on the end of the line of
these children, so tremendous was the sheer
number of children being begat on almost
a minute by minute basis in these days of men.

Chapter 3

In these days of men many committed themselves
unto false idols and vast was the number of these
false gods and the worship thereof. Men numbering
higher numbers than all the milk in the Gardens of
Babylon could be seen from thousands of falcon
strides away laying prostrate in front of literally
millions of sculptures of entirely made up gods.
It might seem highly unlikely that in stone age
Mesopotamia tribes were able to give
so much time to the creation of seemingly
endless numbers of false god statues, but so
great was their unholy thirst for unrighteousness
that it allowed them to trespass against not only
the laws of the lord of the harvest, but also
physical impossibilities, selah.

The child saw what men had done under the sun
and he wept with long suffering and sackcloth
he shaved his baby head and spread ash upon his knees
he shaved his infant forearms and wore sackcloth on his knees
he shaved his child knees and spread sackcloth on his ass
and great was the grieving and sackclothing, selah.

the speaker of divine truth.jpg
(the bearded but otherwise shaven babe with the waxen staff of ass-beating in hand)

Harken! From the mouth of the shaven babe,
came wisdom and long suffering:
"my eyes have become weary with the sin of my generation
my tongue cries out for deliverance
from their infinite wrong-God worshiping
my morbidly straight extremities beat in the dust
the song of judgement
A song of hills that would bring
the waxen staff of ass-beating to these idolaters"

And lo! The sons of the Kings of Babylon
Gathered together in great wickedness
and many fold weariness, and, with intensely labored breath,
they spoke before their people against the speaking that
the anointed babe had spoken to whoever the hell
listens to random prophetic baby shouting:
"Great indeed was the weariness in these days.
Behold, great is the weariness which lays upon us,
the weariness that laid upon our fathers,
the Kings of Babylon, now weighs on us.
But this weariness, that lays upon us now,
is an even greater weariness than that
which laid upon our Fathers, the Kings of Babylon.
Even though their weariness was mighty,
like a strong warrior of Babylon ready to go out
to meet the armies of the enemy, even still,
this current weariness is greater, like a mighty man
of Babylon who says to his spirit 'Be strong!
Fear not the armies of the enemy,
for your sword is your ally and your ally
lies in darkness to betray you.' Such is
the weariness that lays upon us now.
But this enemy that gathers before us now,
this brood of unkept viper piss,
this idle-tongued slack jaw,
this lumber-stiff jack and ape
this fat-staffed lamprey
this stiff-nippled shart stuffer
we will weed out him and his progeny
with bright flame, strong spear, and a
multitude of incorrect-deity respecting!”

And the people were filled with a great fear,
hiding in their encampments and shoating
with a great shout: “we are afraid, soon
the great weary sons of babylon will descend
upon us, and lay ruin upon our generation!”
the power of generations, 2.jpg
(the babe, reproaching)

And the babe reproached them their weakness:
"Do not speak to me with the foul tongue of men,
and cease your malcontent bitching, wormtongues!
Remove thyself from the dense bed of ensnarement
and stand mighty and stiff-limbed alongside me,
or so help me harvest-god, I will ass-beat
some wisdom and supplication out of you and your
children, and your children’s children, forever and amen,

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