the blog manifesto.

the purpose of sme is simply this: to overthrow the capitalist hegemony that has a stranglehold on our beautiful, multiethnic society. contributors are asked to take part in this, our overriding mission, so the people of the green earth can breathe together in the clean air of progressive politics and non-judgmentalism. each blog post must bask in the sunlight of earnest expression, never falling into the trap of satire or parody. our aim is clarity and verisimilitude; our mission is truth and the propagation of it. the blog is the perfect place to post your old family videos, homophobic video blogs, another blog's material, awkward, poorly-drawn sketches, halo reach updates, or unexplained/irrelevant wikipedia articles--sme is home to the entire eclectic conflation that is the internet. if there is one thing entirely intolerable to the editors of sme, it is sarcasm. there is simply no room in this blog for sarcastic, humorous, and reference driven posts. if you are among those responsible for such garbage, please leave.


barnaby jones

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Blood Sphere: A Fine Dining Establishment

At Blood Sphere we transcend the very idea of food, bringing our diners to a different world entirely. Located in the back of an unstoppable freight truck circling the globe with no true destination, Blood Sphere can happen to anyone, anywhere, any time.

Deny yourself the pleasures of traditional flavors as your mind is cleansed of past, present and future experiences of inferior restaurants. Allow Blood Sphere to release the tension built deep within your soul as the courses speak to your inner being. Engage in the pagan rituals of civilizations past on your quest for true flavor... and true existence.


Deep Herbs with Creme - 1250
A Maori tribesman pursues you through the dark, brandishing a deadly weapon made of your own teeth. You find solace in the arms of your engorged, nubile lover. The search continues.

These rare herbs are wrapped in the skin of southeast Asian Yaks and roasted over a fire of dried refuse from the depths of the Yangtze River. Accept their sacrifice.

Berries Trampled Under Foot - 990
Embrace the ancient Aztec tradition of suckling on the aged remains of berries trampled under foot by a stampede of innocent children.

Stillborn Sheep Blood Tart - 8000
This exotic and illegal dish is composed from the remains of an infant sheep ripped from its mother’s womb, vacuum-sealed, shot into space and consumed by fire upon reentering the earth’s atmosphere.

Old Cattle - 500
The crust produced by the decrepit eye sockets of the elderly cattle is used to create a wonderfully light and sweet puree that is applied liberally to our diner’s hands, feet and nipples.

Spring Leaf Burial - 2500
You awake to the putrid smell of cloven hooves coated in a thick oaken paste. Your deceased father motions you to come closer.

For this course our expert chefs will bury you on a bed of pleasant spring leaves amidst the freeze-dried, gender-neutral entrails of our latest trappings.

Eyes - 1000
The eyes come from nowhere and are going nowhere. None can question them. Trapped in a dark room with nothing but pictures of your 11th birthday party, you are forced to reason with them nonetheless.

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