the blog manifesto.

the purpose of sme is simply this: to overthrow the capitalist hegemony that has a stranglehold on our beautiful, multiethnic society. contributors are asked to take part in this, our overriding mission, so the people of the green earth can breathe together in the clean air of progressive politics and non-judgmentalism. each blog post must bask in the sunlight of earnest expression, never falling into the trap of satire or parody. our aim is clarity and verisimilitude; our mission is truth and the propagation of it. the blog is the perfect place to post your old family videos, homophobic video blogs, another blog's material, awkward, poorly-drawn sketches, halo reach updates, or unexplained/irrelevant wikipedia articles--sme is home to the entire eclectic conflation that is the internet. if there is one thing entirely intolerable to the editors of sme, it is sarcasm. there is simply no room in this blog for sarcastic, humorous, and reference driven posts. if you are among those responsible for such garbage, please leave.


barnaby jones

Thursday, July 22, 2010

The Most Powerful Words From People Who Know Powerful Words

For centuries writers have strived to make eloquent and beautifully written works that communicate neoteric themes or ideas in such a way that it feels as if they can almost be seen or touched. Yet it is the elegance of the great writers' speech that is their downfall as it lacks primal emotions, true feelings, and stuff that has already been said a thousand times. However, these problems have been fixed by today's youth as they pay no attention to what they write and how it sounds. They don't even know what it is that they are really saying; instead, they brainstorm on a concept that they barely know such as hate and love, and with that as their works inception, they write down their bare knowledge and understanding with as little polish and originality as possible to insure that their ideas are shown as untainted, honest, and trite. Let these two works, the first written by these writers from clayton high on the subject of love, the second is from mind and heart of Jay Mack on friendship.

Ice in my veins…blood in my eyes. This time we're not giving up let's make it last forever. Screaming "hallelujah". We'll make it last forever. I was born to snuggle baby, tell me can I call you It takes a second to say I love you, but [a] lifetime to mean it…so you can take the small road and say it, or take the long highway and mean it... Holy s***. Just woke up. Maybe its time to change and leave it all behind

A true friend-someone 2 turn 2 when everything seems 2 go wrong, a person
who has always had ya back threw everything, who does things 4 u 2 make u
smile, who never wants a tear 2 fall down ya face, always can tell
the deference between ya feelings& ya lies, but maybe they wont lies?
...maybe ya lies where 2 defend ya own fellings but u should not try 2
hide ya feelings from a true friend. cuz im still ya friend, realize that Lose one friend, lose all friends, lose yourself.


Tuesday, July 20, 2010

slumdog millionaire

Recently at SME we have been having some regrettable, I dare say atrocious, blog posts. We believe this is due to the lack of education we have within our Jr. writing staff. Because of this, we have taken it upon ourselves to start a SME educational course that will greatly strengthen the writers' abilities to grasp the ideology behind SME, this is essential for a successful blog posts. This program was designed to create physically, genetically, technologically, and mentally advanced "hyperwriters." We know it will strengthen their humor organ to the level we feel is necessary for them to contribute to SME.

The first student that went through this program was Jaidev Jyotis, who recently had one of his blog post deleted because of its "dumbness."


The Professor that led Jaidev from his sluggish, witless, asinine, stupid, lame, sense of humor to enlightenment was Christopher 'where dat money at $$ I am dat papa chsser' Detmering.

The following is the documentation of how Chris preformed this profound feat of science-technology:

Chris introduces himself to Jaidev.

Jaidev is bursting with joyfull-bliss.

Teacher displays what a good joke is:

Student is perplexed…

Teacher elaborates.

Student’s mind is blown.

Teacher delves further into the nature of the “balls.”

Student is confused.

Teacher ask for the student to give an example.

Student says, “Lady Gaga with f-15 taped on her body.”

Teacher compares to student’s example to the previous example of the“balls.”


Student tries again, “A story about a cat named Fuzzinz.”

Again, failure.

Student depressed by his immense density.

Yet he strives on, contemplating deeply.

“How about…Seth Hoskins being gay?” Exclaims the student.

Teacher draws each idea on the board.

Student waits





Success :)

It took Jaidev countless hours of teaching. However, after ten years of rigorous instruction, he passed the class.

The pupil at graduation day ;)

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Bad Art is What?

For centuries art has been the cause of numerous debates; chief among these is the manner by which one discerns bad art from good art. It has been a heated battle, in academia, as to how to sort the brilliant work from utter tripe, and I think I have a suitable solution for at least how to weed out the garbage: ask teenagers.

Let me explain.

The teenage mind is foggy realm of disparate, extreme, emotional states, insecurity and reality television. Just as the human tongue can only detect 4 basics tastes (salty, sweet, sour and bitter), the teenage mind can only assess its reality using a handful of discerning categories: action, thing, concept, and awesome. The specifics of each of these four categories break down differently for the genders:

When attempting to understand their surroundings or to deduce the meaning of current events, the teenage brain crudely tosses every sensation they encounter into 1 of these 4 conceptual bins. The more a given situation triggers these 4 categories, the better or more awesome the teenager thinks the situation/event/object is, and, conversely, the more terrible the situation/event/object actually is. Using this schematic of the newly post-pubescent brain and understanding of its rudimentary operative rational, scientists, like me, can accurately determine what teenagers will think is “fire” and what they will deem as lame. By doing this we can, respectively, determine what is garbage and what is, most likely, a transcendent masterpiece. Consider the recent frenzy over the Twilight series. The movies are built around a vampire love story, are framed by a good deal of pop music, and require ample texts to your biffle of how you “<3 twilite.itz the best wen Jacob iz ript : ) ; P” Twilight causes activity in each of the areas of the teenage female brain, and thus we can postulate from these findings that the teenage vampire love series will be an extremely successful franchise among the members of that demographic—and also, that it’s a piece of crap. Thus we arrive at a very useful manner of determining bad and good art. Bad art is what teenagers like. Good art is what teenagers hate. The average teenage boy would hate There Will Be Blood: not once in the movie does a character mention redbull, or fight robots, or go to the future; there’s no nudity. It is, for that unfortunate adolescent boy who happens to watch it, an untranslatable mess. He would despise the film. Which is an indication, if nothing else, of its greatness. The average teenage boy thinks Hurley is fire…I’m not wearing that brand ever.

Monday, July 5, 2010

Zombies are in my pool.

In this ruthless game of terror, blood lust, and strength, the alpha zombie reeks havoc on the humans; converting them to rabid, blood-thirsty living dead by ravaging their flesh with his zombie fangs thus building an army of zombie warriors.


Alpha Zombie:
Must be hand selected out of the "village" of humans by a third party at the beginning of the game.
- Once selected the third party host will sound the call of his or her make and the hunt will begin.
Objective: To "infect" as many humans as possible by completely and totally submerging the humans head under the water.

1) Anyone NOT
selected to be the Alpha Zombie by a third party at the beginning of the game.
2) Anyone who has not been "dunked" by the Alpha Zombie or his minions during the course of the game.
- Once a humans head has been completely and totally submerged by the Alpha Zombie and/or his minions he or she is now a zombie minion and should promptly begin ravaging humans.
Objective: To avoid being "dunked" by any zombie for the duration of the game either by fending off the Zombie scum or cowering like a little girl.

Zombie minion: A human that has been dunked by the Alpha Zombie or any other zombie minion.

- Once the call has been sounded by the host indicating the start of the game, any force (within reason) can be used to ward off zombies and to dunk humans.
- There will be no holding on to the side of the pool. So weak.

A WIN: A win can only be declared by two things: all humans have been dunked and turned into Zombie minions or the Alpha zombie and his minions have forfeited their hold on the village and retreated from the game.

*When carried out properly this game should amount to pure carnage and destruction from start to finish.

Friday, July 2, 2010

Blackout Wrestling by the Light of Camera Flash

Alex makes the first contact

Jon, ever so agile, slips behind Alex
and takes control
however a reversal takes form
and Jon Ryan quivers between Alex's golden steely thighs
the end.