the blog manifesto.
the purpose of sme is simply this: to overthrow the capitalist hegemony that has a stranglehold on our beautiful, multiethnic society. contributors are asked to take part in this, our overriding mission, so the people of the green earth can breathe together in the clean air of progressive politics and non-judgmentalism. each blog post must bask in the sunlight of earnest expression, never falling into the trap of satire or parody. our aim is clarity and verisimilitude; our mission is truth and the propagation of it. the blog is the perfect place to post your old family videos, homophobic video blogs, another blog's material, awkward, poorly-drawn sketches, halo reach updates, or unexplained/irrelevant wikipedia articles--sme is home to the entire eclectic conflation that is the internet. if there is one thing entirely intolerable to the editors of sme, it is sarcasm. there is simply no room in this blog for sarcastic, humorous, and reference driven posts. if you are among those responsible for such garbage, please leave.
Friday, July 10, 2009
The Truth about Life and a Great Glorious Discovery Mountain
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Glufer Pareef is one of the chief financial contributors to the sale of stuffed animal pajamas in the 20th century. His philanthropic ventures have been mentioned in a positive light by such world leaders as Alfred Hitchcock, Patrick Swayze, and Warren Buffet.
Born 1812 in New Zealand, Glufer is the proud child of two cheesemakers: Octavian Pareef & Lois-Quarpegee Pareef. Octavian was and is the greatest leaf moulder/sculpture founder. Lois-Quarpegee is known world wide as the writer of the breakthrough animal lesbian novel "In the Bushes."
Conceived during his mother's trans-atlantic book signing tour in the fall of 1811, Glufer was born into a world of uncertainty and homophobia. The truth is that no one knows who his real father is due to the fact that his mother would offer sexual favors to those who moved her spirit by buying copious amounts of her oddly sensuous literature. Let's just say she got her spirit moved a lot. Octavian was merely a red herring stuck with the unfortunate product of her love juices and the harsh, demasculating reality that he personified in his various outdoor excursions in the wilderness of New Zealand to search for the perfect leaf-moulding technique.
It was on one of these very excursions that Octavian met his untimely demise at the hands of an enraged pregenetor of Vice President Al Gore, who was a dementia-suffering aboriginee tribesman who was alienated from the rest of his tribe due to his gender confusion.
At the age of 14, after being left alone to his twisted animal sacrifice rituals, Glufer began to believe that he, in fact, was the heir of George Washington. He began to search far and wide for an authentic Revolutionary War Musket to exact his revenge on the gender-confused tribesman that so ravagely disemboweled his father with the tusk of a wild boar.
After brutally beating the tribesman to death, Glufer consumed the remains, burned the body, pissed on the ashes, and took a vow to never to develop the taste for human blood again, and then used the ashes as a drink mix for his demented line of alcoholic beverages sold under the name "Budweimer."
By the age of 23, Glufer's exotic drink mix was gaining popularity with queers and retards who frequented his hillside mansion/swinger bar where transexual goat herders would come to aleviate the social pressures caused by their insufficient mental capacity.
Influenced by his mother's erotic animal lesbian novel, Glufer was motivated to take a leave of absence in order to explore his sexual attraction to the various marine animals of the far south Antarctic region. He unexpectedly fell in love with Willabee Clinton, the female captain of a wayfairing cargo ship containing large shipments of stuffed animals. One night after a hot encounter of passionate cucumber sporking with his newly found love companion Willabee, Glufer was struck with the realization that everyone, including stuffed animals, needs pajamas.
He immediately drained his previously existing trust fund from the sales his successful beverage, Budweimer, in order to proceed with his dream of creating his own stuffed animal clothing line, which includes, but is not limited to, pajamas.
The lovesick Glufer quickly fell into madness and struck Willabee with a quick succession of painful blows to her no-no zone with a 10 pound monkey wrench. Willabee was severely injured and had to be transfered via helicopter to the nearest metropolitan area, which happened to be Shanghai. Realizing his mistake, Glufer, diguised as a refrigerator, decided to follow Willabee with the hopes of repairing their relationship with his store of delicious frozen popsicle treats stored inside his faux refrigerator disguise, which conveniently included a freezer for storing his drinks.
Shortly after this, Glufer committed suicide protesting George W. Bush's presidency, which he foresaw in the entrails of a disemboweled baby Sea Tortoise along the shores of the galapagos after he had sex with Charles Darwin, and the entrails too.
In the year 2008, a popular indie band named "Grizzly Wolf Ghost Scout Parade Arctic Fire Team" dedicated their forthcoming eponymous debut "Fake Mother is Society" to the restoration of an accurate historical account of this brave martyr to common knowledge among common people and their knowledge.