Jeans vs Music

The Full Body Blaster 5-9000s

talk about results!

Don't waste spare change

..on raspberry tea





to end up like this guy.

How to Judge the Worth of a Cyclist

(for my speech class)
Ever see someone ride on a bike and think to yourself, " I really wish I had some criteria on which to Judge this man's worth, as well as his legitimacy in relationship to other cyclists."
Well I certainly have, So after doing oodles of research, studying the sciences, and much number counting. I have irrefutable, hard facts about legitimacy in cycling.
To Judge effectively you must take into consideration looks, money invested in cycling (e.g. bib shorts, Jersey, bike), age, and skill.
Below I have placed all my data into very scientific scatter plots

Overview

The first two I looked at, money and looks, go hand in hand. However there is a interesting split in the $6,000 dollar range. As I observed people with more expensive bikes, the majority became increasingly lame, while the minority became more tight.

The second two, Skill and age, form a nice pattern as well.


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The Categories

Childhood riders

The section highlighted above is where the childhood riders fall into. Their bikes are very cheep, but they look good on them. Cuteness multiplier.
As we can see in the age vs skill graph, young people suck. And there is a high concentration of bikers between the ages of 6 and 16. When those bikers turn 16 they start driving cars. They no longer have a need for their bikes. That is except for the.......

The stoners that didn't get their license

you can see the stoner bikers are rather high in the tightness category. However not much of their money funds their biking habit.

as they age and spend more time on their bikes, they progress slowly in skill. And learn to do odd things with their bikes. It doesn't help their road biking skills but it does make them look really tight.

Completely Average Bikers

This category has reached the point of balance between skill and looks. They don't spend to much money on their gear, and they don't suck.

Local Racers

The Increase in skill leads to a decrease in body fat. Therefore they look more tight. However it is a minimal increase in tightness.

the ratio of spending money to looking tight is starting to become unbalanced.

People who suck but don't care/fitness bikers

(yes that is Russell Crowe. He is a exception to the category, and belongs higher in tightness)

the Split Occurs

Old people with to much money that think they are way cooler than they really are.

Pro

the tightness is off the scale right now. Super skilled, Super expensive everything, and right at the perfect age range.

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There are a few I didn't mention, child prodigies and really fast/strong/tight old men. They are illusive, but do exist. They are not well documented because of the small a percentage they take up in the world of cycling.

The world of cycling is mostly full of people like this.

not many like this

THe truth about life and the great glorious discovery mountain part II

The Art of Replenishment

For my first paper I chose to go to the Foundry Art Center with my life partner Greg Schuknecht. The outside of this museum had the look of a 1930 colonial building like in the movie the Quick and the Dead. Yet upon entering you are instantly transported to a classy European-esque museum. The lady who greeted us was a very well put together forty year old who new all the finer things about life. We asked her where all the paintings were and she motioned us to the left with her eloquent, veiny hand. I did not enter the room that was full of paintings (two of which would end up being translated into word form in my paper) before looking at the rest of the pulchritudinous building. It was very open and off white, it reminded me of the hall for the steward of Gondor in the Lord of the Rings movie The Return of the King. I felt the creative nature that this place held, every brick every corner filled with the artistic being. My handsome friend pulled my arm with his strong manly hands, this jerked my body and my head twisted we locked eye to eye, these fine words came out of his thin-lipped mouth “Chris we have to hurry you have class at four and it is one o’clock” which I responded and said “okay”. We entered the room and my eyes locked onto the first painting that I would write about. It was entitled “untitled” by the artist John Baker, the material was oils and paper and it cost five hundred dollars it was made in the year two thousand and nine. The painting was of a man; at least I think it was of a man. The lines in the painting were not very straight; they were rather abstract and undefined. The colors were exceedingly muted and depressing, I felt as if I were in a morgue. I digress, back to the man, which is the subject matter of this morbid, dismal, bleak, dreary piece. His eyes were staring off into the unpainted distance; on both sides of his heads were clamps of some sort, not of this world, but from the world of the artist mind’s eye. I believe the artist was trying to communicate the inner turmoil we all deal with having feelings for others that we aren’t supposed to have. The elements were dark and forthcoming amazingly stitched together. I loved this piece; it was profound and untainted by the brainwashing we find in our right winged culture. It made me sympathize with the man; I felt his pain, his anguish. I liked it.

After viewing this piece, taking all the proper notes and such, we started to move down the hall. Getting to the end we turned around to go over the room yet again. This venture, however, would be far more profitable then the first. We stumbled upon the greatest piece of work in the whole museum. It was called “Mindfield” by Ian shelly it was not a painting it was a sculpture made from terra cotta, wood, steel, canvas, graphite, conte’, acrylic, pastel and enamel. The price was one thousand dollars and the date of its creation, unknown. This work won the “Going Solo” award. The lines in this piece were defined and each purposeful to the fullness of that words meaning. The colors were dim and concrete like, yet the orange that was in it stuck out and would catch any meaningful persons light receptors. The elements of the piece were stark but you must look for them and analyze them much like a scientist looks for the elements of a compound substance through a microscope. However we do not have a microscope of a mechanical matter attached to our being, but one of mind matter in our inner core that we must tap into. The artist was trying to show the workings of our mind and the battle we have between a structured thought process and a free thinking one full of commitment to its fullest, the word love best conveys this idea. This piece is beautiful and whatever is beautiful must have truth in it and this truth is full of the good that we all seek.

These two pieces both full of Truth and Good, yet they show two different manifestations of the same problem. The first is the outward appearance of the social control displayed in the form of a painting, and the second is the mind dealing with this very same problem put forth in the manner of a sculpture. I have learned so much about the modern day mind through these new fresh paintings. I am so proud to have taking part in this quest. I have absorbed so much about creativity and the inner workings of my inner being and have gotten even closer to Truth itself.

...And we thought Nicolas Cage had hair prowess

Behold, William H. Macy...






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itseth-

Breaking News: Science Machine Discovers Truth!

Over the break, the tireless work of unending scientists and modern technologies

has discovered massive new breakthroughs in the most recent feats of marvelous design. Alex, Chris, and Mikey worked hand and hand with these brilliant patriots of the new science realms of the burgeoning field of inner-animal detection mechanisms. Their new machine, the inner-animal detectatron,

can use any photo of an individual and accurately determine that individuals inner-heart animal: the creature which most embodies their personality. Do not doubt the truth of the science machine! These results are 100% accurate.

Jon Ryan is a disgruntled retard turtle.


Cale Hoskins is a googly-eyed goldfish.


Taylor James is Snorlax.


Matt McCarty is a flamingo with flowing brown locks of luscious, bouncy hair.


Seth Hoskins is the disturbed manticore.


David Matthias is a dwarf horse with bad hair.


Mikey Detmering is Super Saiyan 5 Goku animal.


Chris Detmering is the Balrog, Lord of Shadow and Flame.


Alex Detmering is Optimus Prime, friend to all the weak humans; they are a primitive race.


Yup, 100% accurate.

Alex, Mikey, and Chris